Showing posts from 2008

Christmas Chaos!

“You swim in the water. The rest of us just walk.”

PP nodded at Well-Preserved African American Gent, M’s talkative friend. She was tired and ready for the hot tub; it’s been a helluva week at the Y. The holidays make everything so hard, esp. the pool. Yet, she’s glad to know that her swimming ability still somehow survives the Chaos.

And why so much Chaos at the Y? It’s like everyone in the entire Bay Area swarmed into the YMCA on Christmas Eve. And then to top it off, DL thought that it was a Meter Holiday and got a damn ticket!

“That ain’t no Christmas Card” the smart-ass clerk at the front desk had remarked to DL when she showed her the ticket.
No. It’s not. It’s one hella expensive trip to the gym.

And then the chaos in the locker room! Crowds of women in the hot tub, hanging out on the narrow white bench in their towel turbans, waiting in line for the showers. PP was definitely feelin claustrophobic and overwhelmed.

Not to mention, Bragging I’ll Save You From a Coma Woman had eve…

The Rule Breakers

“They know they not suppose to be hanging stuff on there.” Rhinestone Turban Tyrant (What is it about turbans?) wrinkled her nose and sighed and frowned and shifted and all around harrumphed at the large pair of pink rose panties hanging over the wooden bar by the sauna rocks. “They’s rules about that.”

“Don’t you know that the rules are for Other People?” Super Swimmer Woman chuckled. It was a joke after all. Who cares if the panties are hanging out to dry in the sauna? Seemed like a good idea to PP.

“That the problem,” RTT continued, truly miffed. It was no joke to her.

“They say that if we see someone breaking the rules, we’re supposed to call upstairs,” SSW added, “But I don’t like Policing People.”

“Yeah, it’s not relaxing,” PP affirmed, thinking how she wasn’t gonna go around calling up the front desk every time she witnessed a ‘rule’ being broken.

Which reminds her of how Sneaky Oprah booby trapped her studio audience the other day by setting up a ‘snitch situation’ to test them …

It Stuck

"It stuck."
PP glances down at the murky water where Hot Tub Mama (HTM) is poking around with her large brown toe.
HTM makes a face: it's disgust and exasperation but also one of resignation. What do you expect with the riffraff that frequents the hot tub?

PP can't tell what is 'stuck' exactly, but she doesn’t try to see very hard. After all, HTM’s big bare foot isn’t what she wants to focus on when hot tubbing.
"Band-Aid." HTM nods.

"Oh," PP nods, still unable to see the object she's pointing to. Yet does register a similar disgust--aren't band-aids banned in the pool and hot tub?
"It stuck," HTM repeats.
"I guess it can't squeeze through the cracks of the drain down there," PP offers.
"Ummm...." HTM nods. It's enough to convey that….. what? Who knows? After all, PP is stuck on not being able to see what's stuck so she guesses she’ll just have to take HTM’s word for it that it's a Band-Aid.


Thanksgiving at Vichy Springs

Winding down the dark quiet country road to Vichy Springs, PP can barely contain her excitement! At last! Back to her favorite pool in the world (well, so far!). She can't wait to jump in.

And sure it's November. Thanksgiving weekend. The pool will be cooler than it was in June. She knows this and is prepared. She's brought her wet suit and her leggings and her anti-chill resolve.

She will swim in the Splendid Vichy Springs pool no matter what the temperature!

Now, tired but relaxed in post Thanksgiving haze with the family--so much food, so much T.V., not enough swimming (translation--no swimming!), PP is ready to dive in to the pool as she and DHBF tromp up the front steps lined with chubby orange pumpkins to the resort office.

"Hi, we have a reservation," DHBF greets the usual charming young man who helps out with the routine hotel check-in stuff. They chat, PP spaces out, dreaming of the pool and how she's going to dive in the next morning.

"And anything …

Snow Swim????

"Ahhh....It feels so good on your back, doesn't it?"

"Oh, yes!" PP agreed, even though her neck was hurting much more than her back after her frigid swim at the Berkeley Y (Oakland was closed for "Family Float Night"--PP had considered trying to SINK all those families in some diabolical plot outta AMC, but then had decided it might be easier, though perhaps less satisfying, to just swim at the B. Y.)

Now in Utopia of Berkeley, she was finally thawing out and relaxing. And happy that someone was talking to her here at this Utopia even though it was AGAINST the rules! You may or maybe not recall how PP had marveled at a previous Berkeley Y visit how one of the rules listed on the Sauna Door was, "Please refrain from conversation".


So when Good On Her Back Woman spoke, it was ,WOW!, a Sauna Rebel.

Well, she wouldn't expect anything less in Berkeley!

"I've been painting all day!" Berkeley Rebel sighed.
"No wonder your b…

I am Woman She is Woman.....

Resting her forehead on the shower wall, PP lets the warm water beat down on her tired head. After the swim. After the hot tub. After Utopia.

She's finally relaxed.

A loud, disgusting, loogie spitting throat clearing snort to her right, at the end of the row of showers, breaks her Relaxation Trance.


Why do people spit in the shower? Not only is there signage all over the YMCA shower scene forbidding such phlegmy transgressions, but it's also just goddamn inconsiderate not to mention unsanitary!

She glances in the Spitting Direction to see two women in a heated argument. She can't tell what they're saying. Part of this is cause they're too far away, the other part is that her ears are still plugged up with water and another part is that she's just too tired to try to gather a story. Sometimes it's just so much effort. She just wants to relax and not write, even if the story is right in front of her.

Or to the side of her.

Which this one was.

One o…

DL's Time Poem

you know time is passing cuz you're not saying that
you know its passing cuz you have to work again and run
outa the door
you know its passing cuz mac and dom are screaming proudly
you know its passing cuz they want their kibble badly and

you know its passing cuz tidbit finally got you a chapter
you know its passing cuz you're hungry at utopia and after
you know its passing cuz lizard neck is back
you know its passing cuz you just wanna go to hawaii and

you know its passing cuz its fucking freezing outside
you know its passing cuz you had a melt down and cried
you know its passing cuz your hair is bad then beautiful
you know its passing cuz you were late answering this

How do you know Time is passing?

"Where is everyone tonight?" PP asked DL as they luxuriated in the hot tub post swim and workout at the Y. All the usual suspects were absent this evening--no Diabetes Woman, No Hot Tub Mama, no Breast Pumping Woman, no Marvelous M.

"I dunno...." DL murmured, happy in the warmy bubbles.

"It's the showers." Super Swimmer Woman called out to them from her drying off routine at the bench. "They're cold."

"But how would you know they're cold till you got here?" PP asked.

SSW laughed her silent hunched over chuckle, shaking her head. "Good question."

"I think it's the Time Change," PP began. She likes to blame everything on the time change every year. This year she even rebelled. Didn't turn back her clocks for 3 days. She just HATES it when Daylight savings time ends. IT so sucks. The dark. The dark. And the dark.

"Maybe," DL nods.
"Yeah, everyone thinks it's really 10:30 instead of 9:3…

Tango Fanstasy

Such a delicious swim in the rain at Mills super warm bed bathtub pool!(The Lovely I had said her swim was like being in a cozy bed --all warm and snug--PP hadn't heard this comment, but only second hand from JJ--yet it made sense, for most people. But for PP, the pool is so much better than bed! Bed is so problematic what with neck aches, and wrong dreams and the stupid cat waking her up 5 times a night to be let out. The pool, on the other hand, is heaven! Esp. when it's warm and she has her own lane and the little rain drops come pelting down on her cap creating tiny cold beads of sound in the warm cocoon of the water!)

Yet this isn't what she was gonna write about. Of course there's the lady with Feline Obsession Disorder who showed PP and JJ her album (No, this is no joke--she ran outside in the driving rain to retrieve her cat photos to show JJ and PP her cats in various upside down poses in her beauteous garden while PP and JJ were trying to get outta the bathroo…

Black Panty Pundit 30 Minute Infomercial

"Did you ladies happen to catch Barack's 30 minute infomercial?" Black Panty Political Pundit asked into the hot tub air.
DL, PP and Bleached Blonde African American Woman all shook their heads, "Darn!" PP exclaimed. "I was at work!"
"Was it good?" DL asked as BBAAW sunk deeper into the hot tub's bubbly warmth.
"You know. It was. Very good. You know they said that he would have nothing new to say, but I didn't find this to be so."
"Really?" PP asked, intrigued. What else could he say at this point? Well, now, BPPP was gonna tell her. Thanks goodness for the YMCA Hot Tub Political Updates!

"Yes Ma'am. What he said he was gonna do was touch our Hearts."
"And did he?" DL asked.
"Yes. He did." She paused for a moment, near tears before continuing. "And you know how he did this?"
"No," DL encouraged.
"He talked about his father. And here's a detail that I never kne…



The humongous sneeze rang out from the locker room, echoing hilariously into the hot tub where PP and two other women sat relaxing. Opening their eyes wide in astonishment, they all shared a look before breaking into giggles.

“Someone’s allergic to something!” PP joked, as a Jovial Asian woman sitting across from her nodded while the third woman in the tub, one that PP usually engaged in random chit chat, just turned back to her concentrated water jet massage action. For a moment, PP wondered what was up with her. But JAW engaged her before she could explore.
“My husband,” JAW began, “He sneeze very loud too!” she giggled.
“Does he have allergies?” PP asked.
She nodded, “Yes, but I sneeze too. When I sneeze.....” she covered her mouth with her sturdy brown hand, “I am not so loud.”
PP nodded. “Yeah, me neither. In fact, I try to stifle the sneeze.”

“Stifle yes....” She thought for a moment. “I think my husband. He have very different personality. He much more loud. …

The Best Lady Swimmer

“Did you know that you’re swimming with the Best Lady swimmer at the Y?”

Hemophiliac Swimmer is talking to Pleasant Hairy Man with whom PP is sharing a lane. Earlier, when she’d asked if she could share his lane, PHM had said, “Absolutely!” and he meant it.
Damn. PP never means it when someone asks if they can share her lane.

Yet now as HS bends down and nods toward PP who gives a tired chlorinated laugh, she thinks, no way is she the best ‘Lady Swimmer’ at the Y. Maybe the second best behind the marvelous M, but she’s not in the pool today so maybe HS is right.
For now.

Yet, PHM just nods, pleasantly, and then grins, “Yeah, I knew she was good cause she didn’t run into me!”

They all crack up. PP likes this definition of a ‘good swimmer’—-one who doesn’t crash. And so if this is the criteria, then yeah, she is the best Lady Swimmer at the Y! She never crashes into anyone.

Unless, of course, they’re cute.

Distracted and Distracting

“Where’ve you been?” M asked, as she followed PP from the pool to the hot tub. “I haven’t seen you in awhile.”
“Oh, I’ve been outta town,” PP sighed, thinking how she wished she still were at the Mary Anderson Center. Well, maybe this moment was okay since she was talking to the beauteous M! “Where’ve you been?” PP asked since she hadn’t seen M either since she’d been back from MAC.
“Oh, I’ve been DISTRACTED!” she giggled, as they both climbed into the tub, DL waiting on the side, her eyes big with delight at the two of them already engaged in a story.
“What’ve you been distracted by?” PP asked, always nosy.
“A MAN!”
“Ohhhhh!” PP and DL both exclaimed, even though PP wondered if DL mighta been a little disappointed cuz she hadn’t been distracted by a woman.
“Yeah….” M got a little shy, but not too much. She’s definitely one of those Extrovert Types. The shyness is just a ploy to ask more questions!
“Where’d you meet him?” PP asked.
“E-harmony…” Again, she said this softly, almost like she was…

Roach Utopia?

“What that Nasty mess all over?” Utopia Assessment Woman wrinkled her nose at the white gummy whitish goo layering the cement floor of the sauna.

“They better clean up after theyselves or else….I hate to say this, but I saw a Roach in here the other day!” Roach Sighting Woman shuddered as PP and 82 year old Chinese Gram opened their ears in horror.

“Ummm…I am NOT surprised!” UAW nodded. “I seen these women. They bring their yogurt in here. They slather up in the yogurt and then…” She nodded at the nasty mess. PP thought this must be the Yogurt Aftermath. She had no idea that Roaches liked yogurt, but as she was to learn, they like everything.

“Not only yogurt. Mmmm.... they will even eat the GLUE in between the pages of a book!” RSW asserted, nodding in Roach Expertise.

“Yes, Ma’am. I seen a Document and it say that if there was a nuclear war, if everything on the planet was wiped out except for one thing, you know what that one thing would be?” UAW asked.

“Roaches?” PP ventured, wanting …