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Showing posts from March, 2009

The Nose Picker

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“How was the water this morning?” PP’s tired and needs to swim but has to vicariously through Wondrous Admin’s Swim instead since she's stuck at WWU reading last minute stupid student papers.

“It was really warm!” WA exclaims as PP tries to focus on yet another run-on sentence.
“That’s good. It was way too cold yesterday.”

WA nods, “Did I tell you about the Nose Picker?”
PP cracks up. “No, please do!”
“Well.” WA shakes her head as she launches into the story, stepping a bit closer into PP’s office.
”I was swimming my laps, minding my own business, when I glanced down the lane at the woman I’d been sharing with and she was just going at it, picking her nose till she pulled out a Big One and then I swear, she just took IT and put it in the water.”
“Are you kidding?”




WA shakes her head, “I wish I were, but I don’t think so. And so, I was on my kickboard coming toward her when I witnessed this and I hollered at her, “You didn’t just do THAT!”
“Really?” PP grins, “Good for you!”
“Yeah, well, s…

HEY!!!

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"HEY!!! HEY!!!!"

PP hears the rude demands before she knows they are aimed at her or by whom. And when she discovers who it is, well, she can’t believe it, but then she can!

"HEYYYY!!!!"

Again, the loud, demanding obnoxious hollering across 3 lanes of the pool and she turns around. Damn. It’s stupid Paddle Man, gesturing and yelling at her with his paddled hands, and foggy goggles and wet mustache and generally unappetizing demeanor.




What the hell could he want from her? And why just yell “Hey”? Why not use something a bit more civil such as, “Excuse me, Beautiful Gracious Benevolent Pool Purrs Swimmer?”

Cause it was PM and he knows no Civility. Let alone graciousness or manners or anything but his own selfish needs and of course this is what the yelling was all about.

“HEY!!!”

”Are you yelling at me?” PP asks, perturbed and grossed out.

“Yeah, can I swim in THAT lane?” He gestures to PP’s lane that she’s hereto been languidly and miraculously enjoying in solitary abando…

Poo is for the Birds

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“Why did they close the pool, Mommy?”

“Well, Danny, they had to close the pool because they found some poo in the pool.”
Danny wrinkled his nose in appropriate disgust.
“Sometimes this happens, though,” Mommy continued.

PP glanced down at her chocolate brownie cliff bar and felt a slight wave of nausea as she finished her last bite.





Mommy had a mission, though, and that mission was to soothe Danny so he wouldn’t start crying cause the pool was closed. (Fortunately, PP had already swum and so was spared the trauma of being ejected from the pool in midswim because of a Brown Alert. Though as DHBF pointed out between bites of chewy pooh, no, chewy cliff bar, who knows how long the poo had been there. It coulda been there while they’d been swimming for all they knew.)

PP didn’t want to think about it.

But was being forced to because of Danny.
“You remember Uncle Josh?” Mommy had her telling a story for a message voice on.
“Yeah.”
“When he was very young, younger than you even, he pooed in the p…